Alexis K
Abby,
Years passed and yet I still find myself looking for you. Google searching your name, ruffling through old yearbooks, scouring my computer for more photos of us together. I think of you and my heart is reminded of a hole that is gaping open. No closure, only moments in passing where I’m reminded of us being children together. Eating sugar cubes in the snow on the playground steps, dramatics with our friends, sneaking cookies in your parents house, doing our makeup for the first time. I remember the last time we saw each other, passing in the hall while we switched classes. I lightly touched your fiery hair to compliment how pretty it was. Your fresh gold highlights refracting light through our 6th grade halls. Your big smile saying thank you back to me. To say I miss you would be an understatement. Bouncing around that question you asked me in my room, replayed a thousand times in my heart. What could I have said differently. Is there anything I could have said to make you stay. I know these questions are insoluble. Clinging on to my memories of the way your voice sounded, how your laugh was wonderful and contagious. I have your old voicemail memorized from how many tearful calls I made to you, just to hear your voice for those fleeting moments. When I think of my accomplishments, I’m reminded that you too, deserve to have made these milestones. You deserve to have had the chance to live. I wonder who you would be if you were here today. What your passions would be. What pets you’d have. What dreams you’d pursue. What books you’d write. My greatest heartbreak. I love you more than words could ever explain. I will be forever thankful for your friendship. I only wish we had more time.